I am a single mom of a strong willed nearly 16 year old young man. I home school him because he has Oppositional Defiance Disorder or ODD.
Effective consequences are the only way to get through to him.
His father is not in his life, so there is no one but me for him to bang up against in his struggle to grow up to be a respectable, productive citizen.
I need all the help I can get, and I think God for Dr. James Lehman, and now, his wife and team.
This program is a great tool and reminder of how we need to stand firm with our children. We owe it to them to be the best, most prepared parent that we can be and to send them off with a realistic expectation of what is required of them in this world.
Viewing the Complete Guide to Consequences was like jump starting in getting a hold of myself to handle conflicts with my teenager. It helped me identify the ineffective ways I had been acting and gave me a chance to think about how to handle the conflict before it happpened.
This is an excellent disc which helps parents understand what not to say and then what is better to say in certain situations with your kid. James Lehman is amazing. My main suggestion for improvement would be to take it to the next level of conversation when the kid fails or refuses to comply with the well-phrased parental response -- what do you do then? thanks
Employing techniques which benefit our entire family gives me confidence in guiding my child, and that drains away tons of stress. Consequently, he feels more confortable with who he is. Positive growth occurs. The really fun part is knowing that at any time I can receive more help by putting in the DVD to refresh my mind with the instructional material. Repetition is key to the learning process.
I am a parent of 14 yo twin boys. When I received the materials I had a one of the twins in mind. As I was getting into the program, we experienced a death in the family which resulted in a change in the dominant twin. I was able to apply some of the steps in had reviewed at that point in handling the emotional impact occurring at the time.
When dealing with twins, I've learned you need to adjust approaches in handling both members of the duo. The subordinate twin acts out as a result of the competitive nature in which twins exist. So including both individuals in the consequence makes our home run smoother.
Ok, I have to say that I love Total consequences. I have 5 children and a foster son. However I have allready raised 4 of them sucessfuly and only have two at home now. My 13 year old is great but being the baby he has not learned to take responsibility for his behaviors. So this program was great for him. He is learning to take responsibility for his actions and I have learned so much about myself as well.
Re: My 7 year old foster son.This is the reason I bought the program. He is Emotionaly distrubed, has childhood bypolar, reactive attachment disorder, and Now they think he is ADHD. I was feeling like I was going to have to give a 7 day notice to remove him from my care. I had a large meeting with all his support people. 2 Social workers, therapist, sych Dr, myself, and 2 other people. They said he would put him in a group home and all the success he has had would be gone. So I decided to work with this program. This program has saved him from going into a group home and helped me to develope a unique relationship with a very difficult child. I love him and can see his softer side. We still have alot of work to do together to keep his behaviors under control but I feel great that he didn't get lost in the system. The only reasin I gave it a 3 star for the overall raiting is because I need to know how to deal with younger ones with more examples of their behaviors. I do love the program just don't think it was designed well for younger behaviors. Well I hope this helps others like me. Terri
As a single mom of 3 young boys, I needed some help and advice on how to implement consequences that will work. After receiving and viewing the Complete Guide to Consequences I put what I had seen into action immediately.
Watching the role playing made me realize that allowing myself to yell or take things personally was not helping the matter at hand. Not to mention it woke me up to how silly I was acting and looking to my children.
Now that I respond in more of a business manner, not only am I under better control but it has given me better tips to solving problems between the kids versus just sending them to their room.
Since using this program our household has become a much more peaceful place! I am so thankful for the Complete Guide to Consequences.
As always, James does a great job driving home the key focus for applying meaningful consequences. The role plays clearly demonstrate the importance of keeping emotion and overreaction out of the moment and looking instead toward the desired outcome. This has been a great lesson for my family and I highly recommend it as a resource for any parent.
I received the Complete Guide to Consequences about a year ago and have viewed it several times. Although the role plays mostly showed older kids, I still found it useful to see the parent's calm, consistent response to a variety of behavior issues. It's just good to see examples of how to handle a situation when I feel like I am struggling or need a little "pep talk." It is a great companion product for the Total Transformation Program.
I found The Complete Guide to Consequences to be very effective. The idea that you are teaching your child an appropriate behavior in the process, rather than just punishing them for the sake of punishing is what has really helped.
I learned some good basics from viewing the DVD, however, the child we are having issues with just turned 9. The examples of consequences just didn't apply that much, especially because our daughter is not indulged with a lot of electronics and extra privileges--her behavior is too terrible! The role playing was too bland--our struggles are heated and it would help to see how to remain calm when the child does not--even after 1-2 attempts at calming.
The role plays is what helped the most! I got what James was saying when I saw how the methods and techniques worked in watching the role plays. So many experts say use natural consequences, or have a consequence ready when this or that happens. But, I did not have a good example or understanding of what they meant in todays world of text messaging and face book behavior or how to use words in a productive way. This Guide Works! What more can I say!!
This program worked for me because it showed me what I was doing wrong. There really is a difference between punishing kids vs. giving them consequences so they'll learn. I'm using this with my teen girls and it's working!
This DVD was clear, to the point, and very helpful. I especially liked the role plays included. I now see why my consequences weren't working before! I was teaching my son to "do time" instead of teaching him how to change his behavior. Thanks, James for this great insight.
I bought the Complete Guide to Consequences when we were having difficulty agreeing on how to choose and implement consequences for our two children (both difficult, but in VERY different ways). It totally turned our problems around--we are now in agreement, we are MUCH more consistent with the kids (not perfect yet, but working on it) and the results are clear--we get better behavior and that trend to the good is continuing. This is true even though our kids are a bit younger than the kids in the video.
We highly recommend!
James Lehman's style is easy to understand. The role plays were so excellent to learn from showing the "ineffective way" and then the "effective way". Keeping calm under pressure is key. Giving consequences that reinforce changing the undesired behavior rather than "punishing" the child was portrayed well in the role play.
I think the Consequences video was/is helpful. The problem I have is that I keep going back to my old ways which do not work. The video is a good example of how to put the training into practice. It is also helpful to role play what I am currently doing and see where I am falling short. Parenting is hard but if you do it well with Empowering Parents it brings back the joy. I do not know what I would have done without the videos and CD's. I think it is very hard to raise boys in the world today with all the violence on TV and video games.
This program in DVD format is simple and to the point.When this program is administered properly by the parent/caregiver, consequences for behavior are much easier to accept. In this program, it is apparent that the child's right are respected.
The role plays really illustrate for parents the points that you are making and help them to really connect to and identify with the material. parents say it's a relief to see that I am not the only person struggling with these issues. They also say it helps them to see that identifying their problem behavior is not about blaming them but about effective problem solving. They say they want more role plays and so do I!
I want to thank you for Consequences. I was having some problems with my teenage son not doing his homework, etc., which were causing some big arguments and making things more strained between us, as his parents, and him. We were handling things so completely wrong. The entire premise around "responsibilities" and related consequences really hit home with us and with him. The most amazing thing is that in addition to the improvement we've seen in him, we no longer find ourselves taking it "personally" and yelling and arguing about it. Money well spent in our household. Thank you.